示范|撰写留学Essay要处理好其中的连贯性( 二 )


如果你列举的论点像“散沙” , 那大家就可以在论据前后加上对应的扩展素材 , 从而让段落显得连贯 。
示范:学校取消书本教学?
原始版本:
It is argued that schools no longer need to use textbooks,because this is the trend that no one can avoid.The traditional teaching method using printed books will finally become extinct and students will enjoy using the new and digitalized teaching methods and materials.
这段说的是书本一定会被电子书取代 , 因为电子书备受欢迎 。 但是并不连贯 。 因为读者不知道为什么传统方式会被淘汰 , 以及学生为什么喜欢 , 怎么喜欢新的教学方法 。
改进版本:
It is argued that schools no longer need to use textbooks.This is evidenced by the fact that many multimedia devices have already been widely used in most educational institutions.For example,by using PPTs and videos,teachers can demonstrate the knowledge in a more engaging and interactive way.Similarly,students equipped with computers or tablets can review lessons easily and accomplish coursework conveniently.Comparatively,traditional teaching methods relying on textbooks can hardly illustrate the information comprehensively with only words and static pictures,making students loss their attention and interests very soon.
改进的版本中增加了具体的例子:因为电子书和材料以及推广了 , 并且也为大众所接受 , 以及会给老师带来的优势 , 后面还讲了纸质书的缺陷 。 和原始的版本不同 , 改进版不仅仅是把一个结论摆在那里 , 而增加了充分的解释和论据 。 内容上是不是更有逻辑和连贯性了?
3.使用连词、代词
增加连词和代词也是提升句子之间连贯性的好方法 。
连词可以让句子更加连贯 。
大多数时间里 , 我们在完成essay时感觉已经做到了足够的连贯性 , 但是很多人都忘了加一个连词 , 让老师更好的理解我们的逻辑 。
代词更是如此 。 前后如果意思紧密相关 , 通过一个简单的that/this/it , 不仅避免了词汇表达的重复 , 更是提醒老师 , essay前后都是在说一件事情 。
示范:小组活动比个人的活动能带来更多能力的提高?
原始版本:
Group activities can improve the cooperation skills of the participants.In group activities we can develop the ability to collaborate with others to accomplish one task.We no longer finish assignment simply according to our own wills.In group activities,we will make use of the strength of each group member to maximize the profits.When playing basketball as a group,some may be responsible for passing the ball and implementing the tactic,while others shoot to score.If one practices basketball alone,he will never know the importance of teamwork.
改进版本:
【示范|撰写留学Essay要处理好其中的连贯性】Group activities can improve the cooperation skills of the participants,since we can develop the ability to collaborate with others to accomplish one task.This means that we no longer finish assignment simply according to our own wills;instead,we will make use of the strength of each group member to maximize the profits.For example,when playing basketball,some may be responsible for passing the ball and implementing the tactic,while others shoot to score.In comparison,if one practices basketball alone,he will never know the importance of teamwork.
改进版本中增加了每句话的连词 , 以及去掉了重复的in group activities , 整体连贯度大幅提高 。
想要增加段落连贯性 , 同学们可以尝试:减少论点数量;丰富论证内容;使用连词和代词 。 这就是我们这篇文章的主题 。 同学们以后在完成essay写作时就可以把这些tips用到文章里 。

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