【羞辱的代价 英文演讲稿】
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0:11 You"re looking at a wo*n who was publicly silent for a decade. Obviously, that"s changed, but only recently.0:22 It was s*ral months ago that I gave my very first *jor public talk at the Forbes 30 Under 30 summit: 1,500 b*lliant people, all under the age of 30. That meant that in 1998, the oldest among the g*up were only 14, and the youngest, just four. I joked with them that some might only have heard of me f*m rap songs. Yes, I"m in rap songs. Almost 40 rap songs. *L*ghter*0:57 But the night of my speech, a surp*sing thing happened. At the age of 41, I was hit on by a 27-year-old guy. I know, *ght? He was charming and I was flattered, and I declined. You know what his unsucces*ul pickup line was? He could *ke me feel 22 again. *L*ghter* *Appl*se* I realized later that night, I"m p*bably the only person over 40 who does not want to be 22 again. *L*ghter* *Appl*se*1:46 At the age of 22, I fell in love with my boss, and at the age of 24, I learned the devastating consequences.1:58 Can I see a show of hands of anyone here who didn"t *ke a mistake or do something they regretted at 22? Yep. That"s what I thought. So like me, at 22, a few of you *y have also taken w*ng turns and fallen in love with the w*ng person, *ybe *n your boss. Unlike me, though, your boss p*bably wasn"t the president of the United States of Ame*ca. Of course, life is full of surp*ses.2:35 Not a day goes by that I"m not reminded of my mistake, and I regret that mistake deeply.2:44 In 1998, after having been swept up into an imp*bable **nce, I was then swept up into the eye of a political, legal and media *elst*m like we had n*r seen before. Remember, just a few years earlier, news was consumed f*m just three places: reading a newspaper or *gazine, listening to the radio, or watching television. That was it. But that wasn"t my fate. Instead, this scandal was b*ught to you by the digital revolution. That meant we could access all the infor*tion we wanted, when we wanted it, anytime, anywhere, and when the story b*ke in January 1998, it b*ke online. It was the first time the traditional news was usurped by the Internet for a *jor news story, a click that r*rberated a*und the world.3:51 What that meant for me personally was that overnight I went f*m being a completely p*vate figure to a publicly humiliated one worldwide. I was patient ze* of losing a personal reputation on a global scale almost instantaneously.4:14 This rush to judgment, enabled by technology, led to mobs of virtual stone-th*wers. Granted, it was before social media, but people could still comment online, e*il sto*es, and, of course, e*il cruel jokes. News sources plastered photos of me all over to sell newspapers, banner ads online, and to keep people tuned to the TV. Do you recall a particular i*ge of me, say, wea*ng a beret?4:52 Now, I admit I *de mistakes, especially wea*ng that beret. But the attention and judgment that I received, not the story, but that I personally received, was unprecedented. I was branded as a tramp, tart, slut, *, bimbo, and, of course, that wo*n. I was seen by *ny but actually known by few. And I get it: it was easy to forget that that wo*n was dimensional, had a soul, and was once unb*ken.5:40 When this happened to me 17 years ago, there was no name for it. Now we call it
cyberbullying and online haras*ent. Today, I want to share some of my expe*ence with you, talk about how that expe*ence has *ed shape my cultural observations, and how I hope my past expe*ence can lead to a change that results in less suffe*ng for others.6:09 In 1998, I lost my reputation and my di*ity. I lost almost *rything, and I almost lost my life.6:23 Let me paint a picture for you. It is September of 1998. I"m sitting in a windowless office *om inside the Office of the Independent Counsel underneath humming fluorescent lights. I"m listening to the sound of my voice, my voice on surreptitiously taped phone calls that a supposed f*end had *de the year before. I"m here bec*se I"ve been legally required to personally *thenticate all 20 hours of taped conversation. For the past eight months, the myste*ous content of these tapes has *g like the Sword of Damocles over my head. I mean, who can remember what they said a year ago? Scared and mortified, I listen, listen as I prattle on about the flotsam and jetsam of the day; listen as I confess my love for the president, and, of course, my heartbreak; listen to my sometimes catty, sometimes churlish, sometimes silly self being cruel, unforgiving, uncouth; listen, deeply, deeply ashamed, to the worst version of myself, a self I don"t *n reco*ize.7:55 A few days later, the Starr Report is released to Congress, and all of those tapes and transc*pts, those stolen words, form a part of it. That people can read the transc*pts is hor*fic enough, but a few weeks later, the *dio tapes are aired on TV, and si*ificant portions *de available online. The public humiliation was excruciating. Life was almost unbearable.8:31 This was not something that happened with regula*ty back then in 1998, and by this, I mean the stealing of people"s p*vate words, actions, conversations or photos, and then *king them public -- public without consent, public without context, and public without compassion.8:57 Fast forward 12 years to 2010, and now social media has been born. The landscape has sadly become much * populated with instances like mine, whether or not someone actually *ke a mistake, and now it"s for both public and p*vate people. The consequences for some have become dire, very dire.9:24 I was on the phone with my mom in September of 2010, and we were talking about the news of a young college fresh*n f*m Rutgers University named Tyler Clementi. Sweet, sensitive, creative Tyler was secretly webcammed by his *om*te while being inti*te with another *n. When the online world learned of this incident, the *dicule and cyberbullying i*ited. A few days later, Tyler jumped f*m the George Washington B*dge to his death. He was 18.10:06 My mom was beside herself about what happened to Tyler and his family, and she was gutted with pain in a way that I just couldn"t quite understand, and then *ntually I realized she was reliving 1998, reliving a time when she sat by my bed *ry night, reliving a time when she *de me shower with the bath*om door open, and reliving a time when both of my parents feared that I would be humiliated to death, literally.10:47 Today, too *ny parents haven"t had the chance to step in and rescue their loved ones. Too *ny have learned of their child"s suffe*ng and humiliation after it was too late. Tyler"s tragic, senseless death was a turning point for me. It served to recontextualize my expe*ences, and I then be* to look at the world of humiliation and bullying a*und me
and see something different. In 1998, we had no way of knowing where this brave new technology called the Internet would take us. Since then, it has connected people in uni*ginable ways, joining lost siblings, saving lives, l*nching revolutions, but the darkness, cyberbullying, and slut-shaming that I expe*enced had mush*omed. Every day online, people, especially young people who are not d*lopmentally equipped to handle this, are so abused and humiliated that they can"t i*gine living to the next day, and some, tragically, don"t, and there"s nothing virtual about that. ChildLine, a U.K. nonp*fit that"s focused on *ing young people on va*ous issues, released a stagge*ng statistic late last year: F*m 2012 to 2013, there was an 87 percent increase in calls and e*ils related to cyberbullying. A meta-*ysis done out of the Netherlands showed that for the first time, cyberbullying was leading to suicidal ideations * si*ificantly than offline bullying. And you know what shocked me, although it shouldn"t have, was other research last year that determined humiliation was a * intensely felt emotion than either happiness or *n anger.12:55 Cruelty to others is nothing new, but online, technologically enhanced shaming is amplified, uncontained, and per*nently accessible. The echo of embarras*ent used to extend only as far as your family, village, school or community, but now it"s the online community too. Millions of people, often anonymously, can stab you with their words, and that"s a lot of pain, and there are no pe*meters a*und how *ny people can publicly observe you and put you in a public stockade. There is a very personal p*ce to public humiliation, and the g*wth of the Internet has jacked up that p*ce.13:50 For nearly *o decades now, we have slowly been sowing the seeds of shame and public humiliation in our cultural soil, both on- and offline. Gossip websites, paparazzi, reality p*gramming, politi*, news outlets and sometimes hackers all traffic in shame. It"s led to desensitization and a permissive envi*nment online which lends itself to t*lling, invasion of p*vacy, and cyberbullying. This shift has created what P*fessor Nicol*s Mills calls a culture of humiliation. Consider a few p*minent examples just f*m the past six months alone. Snapchat, the * which is used *inly by younger generations and claims that its messages only have the lifespan of a few seconds. You can i*gine the range of content that that gets. A third-party app which Snapchatters use to preserve the lifespan of the messages was hacked, and 100,000 personal conversations, photos, and videos were leaked online to now have a lifespan of for*r. Jennifer Lawrence and s*ral other actors had their iCloud accounts hacked, and p*vate, inti*te, nude photos were plastered ac*ss the Internet without their permission. One gossip website had over five million hits for this one story. And what about the Sony Pictures cyberhacking? The documents which received the most attention were p*vate e*ils that had *ximum public embarras*ent value.15:38 But in this culture of humiliation, there is another kind of p*ce tag attached to public shaming. The p*ce does not measure the cost to the victim, which Tyler and too *ny others, notably women, mino*ties, and members of the LGBTQ community have paid, but the p*ce measures the p*fit of those who prey on them. This invasion of others is a raw *te*al, efficiently and ruthlessly mined, packaged and sold at a p*fit. A *rketplace has emerged where public humiliation is a commodity and shame is an industry. How is the money *de? Clicks. The * shame, the * clicks. The * clicks, the * advertising dollars. We"re in a dange*us cycle. The * we click on this kind of gossip, the * numb we get to the hu*n lives behind it, and the * numb we get, the * we
click. All the while, someone is *kin*oney off of the back of someone else"s suffe*ng. With *ry click, we *ke a choice. The * we saturate our culture with public shaming, the * accepted it is, the * we will see behavior like cyberbullying, t*lling, some forms of hacking, and online haras*ent. Why? Bec*se they all have humiliation at their cores. This behavior is a symptom of the culture we"ve created. Just think about it.17:30 Changing behavior begins with evolving beliefs. We"ve seen that to be true with raci*, homophobia, and plenty of other biases, today and in the past. As we"ve changed beliefs about same-sex *r*age, * people have been offered equal *s. When we be* valuing sustai*lity, * people be* to recycle. So as far as our culture of humiliation goes, what we need is a cultural revolution. Public shaming as a blood sport has to stop, and it"s time for an intervention on the Internet and in our culture.18:10 The shift begins with something *, but it"s not easy. We need to return to a long-held value of compassion -- compassion and empathy. Online, we"ve got a compassion deficit, an empathy c*sis.18:28 Researcher Brené B*wn said, and I quote, "Shame can"t survive empathy." Shame cannot survive empathy. I"ve seen some very dark days in my life, and it was the compassion and empathy f*m my family, f*ends, p*fessionals, and sometimes *n strangers that saved me. Even empathy f*m one person can *ke a difference. The theory of mino*ty influence, p*posed by social psychologist Serge Moscovici, says that *n in s*ll numbers, when there"s consistency over time, change can happen. In the online world, we can foster mino*ty influence by becoming upstanders. To become an upstander means instead of bystander apathy, we can post a positive comment for someone or report a bullying situation. Trust me, compassionate comments * abate the negativity. We can also counteract the culture by supporting or*izations that deal with these kinds of issues, like the Tyler Clementi Foundation in the U.S., In the U.K., there"s Anti-Bullying P*, and in Australia, there"s P*ject Rockit.19:51 We talk a lot about our *ght to * of expression, but we need to talk * about our responsibility to * of expression. We all want to be heard, but let"s acknowledge the difference be*een speaking up with intention and speaking up for attention. The Internet is the superhighway for the id, but online, showing empathy to others benefits us all and *s create a safer and better world. We need to communicate online with compassion, consume news with compassion, and click with compassion. Just i*gine walking a mile in someone else"s headline. I"d like to end on a personal note. In the past nine months, the question I"ve been asked the most is why. Why now? Why was I stickin*y head above the pa*t? You can read be*een the lines in those questions, and the answer has nothing to do with politi*. The top note answer was and is bec*se it"s time: time to stop tip-toeing a*und my past; time to stop living a life of opp*b*um; and time to take back my narrative. 21:17 It"s also not just about savin*yself. Anyone who is suffe*ng f*m shame and public humiliation needs to know one thing: You can survive it. I know it"s hard. It *y not be painless, quick or easy, but you can insist on a different ending to your story. Have compassion for yourself. We all deserve compassion, and to live both online and off in a * compassionate world. 21:54 Thank you for listening. 21:57 *Appl*se*
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