So many people I interviewed confess to reacting to old embarras *** ents in the same way. “You’re just sitting there, and your brain decides to throw it in your face for no reason,” one of my interviewees told me. “For me, if I’m alone, I just start shouting, ‘NO! No no no no no no no.’”
很多我采访过的人都承认会有跟我一样的面对过往尴尬的反应 。有个受访者跟我说:“你就是坐在那儿 , 然后你的脑子莫名其妙就决定要把这份尴尬扔你一脸 。我自己的话 , 如果我是一个人待着 , 那我就会开始咆哮:‘不!不 , 不 , 不 , 不要’” 。
经过采访众多有类似经历的人和心理学家们 , 她给这种状况起了个名字:cringe attack(尴尬侵袭) 。
They’re the little humiliations from your past that come back unbidden, sometimes years after they first occurred.这些过往的丢脸时刻就是会像不速之客一样直接袭来 , 有时是发生后的很多年后 。
这些记忆虽然很尴尬 , 却不至于到了引起心理创伤的地步 , 可是为什么这些记忆总是随机涌现呢?Mellisa 发现有三个原因 。
? 有诱因
For one, even memories that seem out-of-the-blue may be in fact triggered by something in the environment. Maybe something about the T-shirts I was putting away that day reminded me of the feel of the jersey skirt.
一方面 , 即使是那些看似突如其来的记忆 , 实际上也可能是由环境中的某些东西触发的 。也许那天我收起来的T恤衫让我想起了那条掖进 *** 里的运动衫裙 。
? 尴尬情形未能在当时解决
For another, think about how often your first response to someone who’s witnessed an embarrassing moment of yours is something like “This isn’t what it looks like” or “I can explain.” If you never actually get to make that explanation, the moment likely feels unresolved in your mind, and some researchers believe that interrupted moments stick with us longer than those that feel completed.
另一方面 , 想想你对目睹你尴尬时刻的人的之一反应经常是“噢不是你看到的那样”或者“啊容我解释一下” 。如果你从来没有机会解释 , 那么你的大脑就会觉得这个事儿还没解决 , 而且有些研究人员认为 , 被打断了的时刻比那些感觉完成了的时刻更加会让我们难以忘怀 。
? 情感越浓 , 记忆越深
Your emotions dictate what your brain decides to hang on to. The stronger the feeling, the stronger the memory. For instance, being scolded even inadvertently can still lead to long-term feeling of awkwardness. Something excites your brain, which triggers the release of*** , which in turn releases another substance called nor *** (去甲肾上腺素), a neurotran *** itter that then perks up the amygdala(杏仁体).
你的情绪决定了你的大脑选择记住什么 。情绪越强烈 , 记忆就越深刻 。例如 , 即使有人不是故意骂你 , 你仍然会长时间感到尴尬 。某件事 *** 了你的大脑 , 触发肾上腺素的释放 , 而肾上腺素又会释放出另一种叫做去甲肾上腺素的物质 , 这种物质是一种神经递质 , 能使杏仁体活跃起来 。
That’s a region of the brain which gets excited by emotional arousal. The amygdala then communicates with almost every other region of the brain, and it says, in effect, “Something important happened. Make a strong memory.”杏仁体这个大脑区域会因情绪激动而兴奋 。它与大脑的几乎其他所有区域进行交流 , 它实际上就是在说:“要紧的事儿发生了 , 给我记牢了!”
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书籍作者同时也给出了两个点子 , 或许可以帮助你减轻这种困扰 。
之一个就是接纳自己:
self-acceptance
自我接纳 。
Recognizing your former self for who you truly were, instead of trying to forget or fudge the details. And remind yourself that everyone’s embarrassed about something. When we arrive at this kind of self-awareness, then when we fail, it’s not ‘poor me,’ however, it’s ‘Well, everyone fails.’
认清以前的自己是个什么人 , 不要试图忘记或篡改事件细节 。告诉自己:每个人都有各自尴尬的事情 。有了这种意识 , 我们即使尴尬了 , 也不会可怜自己说:“啊我好倒霉” , 而是会说:“哎 , 大家都有尴尬的时候” 。
第二个就是不要把自己看得太重要:
self-indifference: the relief of realizing that you are simply not that big a deal
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